Little Carolers

I remember when I was young. We didn’t get to hear carolers every night but when we did, the singers were often well rehearsed. Even the simplest and littlest carolers knew every letter of their songs even if they sang them off key.

It’s a little different now. Sparsely clad little carolers come in droves. They sing in a hurry, as if they were running in a formula one race track during an actual race. Their words are as devoid of feeling as their bare feet and on top of that, they sing so off the mark that it’s hard to tell which traditional song they hauled up and murdered. Oh, and they don’t make the slightest bit of sense.

I didn’t mean that figuratively. You’d think they were singing in Klingon but there’s actually no telling which alien species kidnapped them and forced the garble into their minds. Here are my favorites so far:

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all da way. O wat fine it is to right in a one halls open sway hey…

Joy to da whorl the whorl is come let er receive erning. Let every part prepare im roon and eber da watusi and eber da watusi and eber and eber da watusi…

My original theory was that the songs are an alien invader’s way of subtly and incomprehensively hypnotizing human listeners. Then again, I think there are far more logical reasons why our little carolers have evolved into horrific, senseless, tone deaf parakeets. Here are my two main theories:

1. It’s possible they can’t understand what they’re supposed to sing because they can’t relate to any song with Santa in it. They just can’t imagine how a man in a fur-trimmed, blazing red suit can survive in an infernally warm country. Besides, Filipino hospitality aside, suspiciously dressed night lurkers are eyed as potential burglars or worse, pedophiles who are candidates for mauling. There are also no chimneys to squeeze through in tiny houses and the nearest people have been to snow is the ice on the fridge.

2. Our little kids never took the time to learn their songs right because they could go to bed with just saline solution in their stomachs again if they aren’t quick about harrassing one household after another.

It’s terrible. I don’t mean the carolers and their songs. It’s terrible that there are signs of the times even during Christmas.

*Photo credit: Bigfoto